I hate it when I’m facing a problem and someone tells me: “You need to love yourself more. You have to forgive. Look at that guru over there, they’ve got great courses.” But I’ve been working on myself for so long.
What lies behind people’s well-meaning attempts to suggest I should love myself more? Whom am I supposed to forgive? And for what? I’m not angry with anyone anymore…
Or perhaps I’m a little angry with myself for attracting that woman into my life again—the one who took offence at something I said. And it hurts that, with an open heart, I ended up on the receiving end of a barrage of abuse. I’m cross with myself for drawing in painful, hurtful things. I blame myself for not preventing it—for not doing something in time to stop her from flying off the handle.
Do you ever feel this way too?
Why does striving for harmony sometimes lead us straight to pressure and anxiety?
What can we do when we cannot control other people, yet deeply crave love?
Even if we turned ourselves inside out, we couldn’t stop someone from finding fault with us if they feel like it. There are so many people out there, each at a different level of consciousness, each carrying their own wounds. Sometimes we trigger automatic defensive or aggressive reactions in them simply by reminding them of something. Even the sharpest, most foresighted mind cannot prevent that—though it tries to convince us that if we just try harder, it will protect us and foresee every blow.
So how do we handle it when someone is angry with us and we are completely blameless? When someone we care about decides to stop communicating because they react emotionally to who we are, how we come across, what we did or didn’t do, or what we said or left unsaid…
How do we navigate a world where everyone does as they please, even as we try our best to cultivate harmonious relationships? 🙂
Because when other people’s reactions hurt us and we leave it unaddressed, pressure and anxiety build up inside us with every subsequent interaction. We begin pushing away the very thing we crave most. We become a pressure cooker softly hissing steam. And everyone senses that steam. It repels those who want to avoid drama from our reality, while attracting those who thrive on drama.
Some people need to pick a fight or hurt someone just to feel better. Our pressure cooker draws them in; they come to take a jab at us just to release a bit of pressure from their own boiling pot.
How Invisible Wounds and Past Patterns Register in the Body
It can happen in simpler situations too. Say you were rejected at your first job interview. You might end up with a racing heart and intense anxiety at every interview after that, even whilst remaining completely calm in other areas of life.
Or perhaps, in childhood, a piece of your writing was rejected without explanation (as happened to me), leaving you blocked and convinced you’d never write again. Then, faced with writing an essay or a paper at school, you can’t squeeze out a single word. You are in a state of subconscious stress you might not even realise is there. Your mind is protecting you by refusing to allow spontaneous written expression, even when it is desperately needed.
There are many ways to support yourself. I recommend starting with body awareness.
If divine abundance is flowing through you, you will likely feel physically relaxed—able to sink into an armchair, laugh spontaneously, brush off small annoyances, and stand up for yourself compassionately and without aggression.
If you are tense, your mind is racing, you’re doubting, blaming yourself or others, and memories are looping, your body is probably not at ease. In that case, you’ve become that pressure cooker—not attracting what you desire, but creating situations that force the tension to release. A conflict, an accident, an injury… anything to break the tension, because tightness, contraction, and strain block the flow of life.
Listen to Your Body’s Signals: Where Are You Holding Tension?
Can you feel any tension in your body right now?
Has it been there for a long time, or does that area tighten only in specific situations?
Is there inflammation in that spot already? A long-standing issue you haven’t managed to resolve yet?
Your body’s state reveals whether you are allowing the universe to deliver your dream “package” or keeping the “door firmly shut” against it.
Do you feel as though you are constantly tense, with no way out?
Honestly, how often do you try to speak to your body? How many times a day do you praise it or give it a gentle touch?
Love and Conscious Touch as the Key to Releasing Cellular Programming
Love is medicine; love releases. If a part of you is “starved” for love or experiencing a “lack” of it, it holds tangled memories and negative beliefs (like that anger at yourself for attracting pain). This then reflects in everything around you: a lack of love, a hunger for love.
Start with your body. Give it a gentle caress.
Yes, it sounds like a cliché, but your cells will feel it. They understand your intention to take the helm—to become the captain of your ship. They rejoice when you decide to step off autopilot. They flutter with excitement when they sense that you care. After all, your body works tirelessly for you, day in and day out. It loves you. It does the best it can based on the programs loaded into your mind when you entered this world.
It is in your hands. Start with love for your cells. World peace and calm, relaxed joy in your relationships all begin with peace among your cells, as Kryon says.
Gently stroke your stiff neck, as I am doing right now. “I’m sorry I keep worrying that someone will hurt me, keeping you on high alert and under pressure. And then you ache because you’re calling out for help.”
You cannot truly live under constant pressure and tension—or at least, it isn’t a pleasant life. Nutrient flow to contracted areas is restricted. Muscles grow weary from cramping; they aren’t happy, just overworked. And when our body isn’t joyful, it colours our mood. We and our body are one.
“Dear body, I’m sorry for my constant fear that something bad will happen—that if I let my guard down for a second, a blow will fall. Pain I didn’t see coming. A threat that could destroy everything I’ve worked for, everything I care about and don’t want to lose. Deep down, on some level, I still carry this. It stops me from receiving. Perhaps it no longer slams the door on my abundance as it once did, but it certainly restricts it. What if what I receive turns out to be harmful? How can I possibly know in advance?“
“Dear body, I’m sorry I keep hesitating, that I keep falling back into fear. I’m used to it. On a mental level, I see no other solution than being chronically cautious, constantly on guard, constantly taking action. I never fully relax, fearing something unexpected might happen.”
This is how I’m programmed from childhood, perhaps from my ancestral line, or from past lives. It doesn’t matter where it comes from—the program is in my mind. Keep working, keep running at full throttle, in mind and body, constantly trying to prevent the worst through action and hyper-vigilance.
I fail to realise that by expecting the “worst” and trying to take preventive measures against it, I am unintentionally heading right towards it and bringing it into reality. Because whatever we focus on and think about grows.
Wouldn’t it be better to just lie down and let it go? Perhaps. I don’t know how many minutes I could manage that for. 🫶
“Even so, my dear body, I love you. And the more I stroke you and forgive myself for this awful programming towards pressure, performance, contraction, and relentless caution, the more it will dissolve. These programs are losing their power.“
My body knows I am with it, and that we can gradually ease the pressure. It knows that the moments when we embrace and I show it how much it matters are growing more frequent. My body is beginning to smile, looking forward to the next time I remember it. My heart beats with joy at being appreciated for its faithful devotion. I value my body. I show it through my attention, nourishment, movement, care, words, touch, and stillness.
And slowly, I am liberating myself—through cooperation with my cells, with my DNA; through realising my oneness; through love directed towards every part of me; through my body, which is a wonderful “vehicle” and “dwelling place” here for my soul.
Practical Tools for Lasting Transformation
Yes, there are plenty of techniques you can add to this. I personally love tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique) and deep energy work (such as Light Body energy). You may feel drawn to something else—let your intuition guide you.
🔗 If you want to go deep and work through subconscious beliefs, fears, and your inner critic step by step, check out my CONFIDENCE WITH EMOTIONAL FREEDOM.
🔗 And if you are drawn to tuning your subtle energies, releasing deep blocks at the level of your vibrational bodies, and experiencing lasting harmonisation, I invite you to join the AWAKENING YOUR LIGHT BODY course.
Let us not leave our bodies starving for love. After all, it is with this very body that we will embrace a new partner. With this body, we will sit in the chair at our dream job. With this body, we will start the lawnmower in the garden of our cherished home. With this body, we will create the baby we so deeply desire.
Let us give love to our body and forgive ourselves for shouting at it, for causing it anxiety through limited thinking.
By doing so, we stop attracting shouting—and start attracting love.
Which part of your body is signaling right now that it needs a little more love and a gentle touch?
